Tell Me
by DowntonIsMyLife
Summary: Mrs Hughes goes through a phase of depression, Carson is worried but doesnt see that he might be the reason.
1. Chapter 1

Mrs Hughes stood in the middle of her sitting room. She didn't know whether to sit, she didn't know what to do, come to think of it, what was she even thinking about? So much was running through her mind, she felt very confused. She felt the room begin to sway and quickly put her hand on the back on an armchair to steady herself, placing the other hand on her burning forehead. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes, hearing a knock then the door opening she tried to stand straight but, overcome with dizziness, fell back into her previous position with a whimper.

"I'm just … Mrs Hughes?" Carsons deep voice was suddenly filled with concern. 'Wonderful(!)' she thought, when she heard his voice, this was the last person she needed to see.

"Oh, Mr Carson" she managed breathlessly managing to stand straight placing a hand over her stomach.

"Are you quite well?" despite her obvious improvement he was still concerned.

"I'm fine Mr Carson … really … I'm fi" but looking at his face, she couldn't finish the last words before tears filled her eyes. Embarrassed, she apologised and ran out of the room and up the stairs, covering her mouth to stop her sobs being all that audible.  
>Even more confused than before, Carson watched her go unable to decide whether her should follow or leave her to recover, she was clearly tired, and he'd noticed she had been yawning a lot over the last week. Choosing to wait, he turned the lights off in her room and entered the kitchen to put the kettle on. Tonight, she would tell him what was wrong, he wasn't going to stand by and see her upset any longer.<p>

Mrs Hughes stood facing the mirror in her bedroom, hands gripped both side of the basin below and tears streaming down her face. She was normally such a strong woman and didn't show her feelings often, she'd kept them locked up but now they'd broken through and she was unable to stop the inevitable tide of sadness washing over her. She calmed down a little bit and looked into the mirror, but what she saw only made her cry more, putting her hand over her mouth she sobbed louder as she looked down into the basin. 'Look at you' she thought 'acting like a hysterical young woman, crying over a man, at your age!' her heart and mind were at an endless battle that neither could win. 'You're too old for this, you had your chance years ago and you blew it. Accept it, you will never have that life, he doesn't love you and you'll die an old, lonely spinster!'  
>She really was becoming hysterical now, she swayed causing her hand to slip off the basin, she gave out a little cry as she fell to the floor, knocking her unconscious.<p>

Oblivious to the state she was in, Carson made his way up the stairs with a cup of tea. He knocked softly on her door, hearing no answer he called her name. Assuming she was asleep, he made his way to the men's quarters, he would ask her tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is kinda set at the beginning of series 2, im just leaving the war out of it. Thomas was fired for theft, Bates has divorced his wife and Mary is engaged to Matthew (that doesnt come into it, i just thought I'd say)**

She awoke in the morning with an awful headache, had she been drinking? She took a minute to take in her surroundings before realising she was on the floor. Groaning as she sat up she put her hand on her head, felt like she'd been drinking, she couldn't have though. Standing up, she swayed a little before grabbing onto the basin, she steadied herself. Making her way over the dresser, she studied the little clock on top, 20 past 5, groaning again she went to change her clothes. She needed to splash some cold water on her face to wake her up, as she looked into the mirror she found she had a nice purple bruise on her left temple from her fall. Her mind suddenly flashed back to a few hours ago, she'd been looking into the mirror, crying. Why had she been so upset? But as she sat on the edge of her bed and it all came flooding back.

_She'd been in her sitting room, going over some paperwork and happily humming to herself when she heard a knock at the door. She turned in her chair and smiled to see Anna standing there._

"_Mrs Hughes? Lady Mary and Mr Bates are back" and Mrs Hughes saw her smile at the mention of the latter._

"_Ahh good, thank you Anna, though I didn't expect Mr Bates back today, he never said anything to you did he?"_

"_No he didn't know until today" She smiled again and turned to leave._

_Mrs Hughes smiled to herself, Anna wasn't very good at hiding her feelings anymore, it was clear that she was completely in love with him. Sweet as it was, she was glad she could control her feelings so they weren't as obvious to others._

_The rest of the day continued surprisingly smoothly considering there was a war on. Mr Carson was of course taking on more jobs than he needed to, ignoring her warnings, but everything was going better than expected. After the servants' dinner, she made her way into the kitchen to make herself some tea, she looked up to the window to see Bates followed by Anna making their way outside to the courtyard. Rolling her eyes she smiled again. She sat in her parlour reading a book, a little while later she heard she door shut and footsteps, turning to look at her clock she saw it was just past midnight, very late for them to still be up she thought. Once she heard Bates pass she made her way to the door just as Anna came past. _

"_Anna? Are you alright?" she asked unable to contain her smile when she saw the look on Anna's' face. She was clearly happy, she had tear stained eyes but Mrs Hughes suspected she'd been crying with joy._

_Anna came towards the door, "Can you keep a secret Mrs Hughes?" Anna whispered._

"_Of course, though it depends what it is" raising an eyebrow in suspicion though still smiling, allowing Anna to come into her parlour and pushing the door to. _

_Anna told her everything Bates had said, about being able to divorce his wife and how he wanted to marry Anna. Mrs Hughes smiled at this, 'it was only a matter of time' she thought. "Congratulations" she said placing her hand on Anna's arm, "now go to bed or you won't be up in time tomorrow" she winked as Anna turned to leave. She closed the door after her._

_She looked around the empty room and a surge of dizziness hit her, sitting down in an armchair she stared at the fire. Why did she suddenly feel dizzy? She only ever felt dizzy when she was unhappy, she couldn't think why she was unhappy suddenly._

_She jumped as there was a knock at her door, she turned to see Mr Carson poking his head around the door. She stood to face him._

"_I just came to see how you were" he said smiling slightly as he came into the room "havent had a chance to speak to you yet today"_

_She opened her mouth to respond but stopped, now she knew why she was upset, she blinked quickly then smiled, then looked at the floor, she didn't want to look at him._

"_Are you alright Mrs Hughes?" he looked inquisitively at her_

"_Perfectly, thank you, i might go to bed soon" she glanced at him and attempted a smile._

_He gave her a disbelieving look but left regardless, she turned to go and sit back in her armchair. _

_She realised how blind she had been or more how ignorant she's been. Mr Carson had been her friend for years, but how long she'd loved him she didn't know. They'd been so close for so long, always spending time together and regularly in each other's company but she'd never noticed that her feelings went deeper. She'd never paid much attention to the moments between them when her gaze had lingered longer than it should have or how warm she felt when he made her laugh  
>It took hearing about Anna's engagement to make her realise her own feelings. She thought she wouldn't be able to fall in love again, feeling she was too old, but she couldn't mistake it. The feeling came from deep inside her, having butterflies in her stomach was an understatement, it was painful in her heart. She knew that Anna and Bates loved each other but for her, her love was unrequited. <em>

_She closed her eyes at this last thought and when she reopened them there were tears beginning to form._


	3. Chapter 3

**Been told to give a shout out to ReidsFacts or Tayla ;) Love you babe!**

She would have to avoid him now, that much she knew. She couldn't be sure how she'd be able not to cry around him. 'Pull yourself together woman' she thought, feeling almost guilty for being in love. 'Was it love?' no, surely she must be kidding herself but she'd never felt this, not for a long time.

She got up from her bed and went over to the mirror again, picking up the hair pins from the floor that had fallen out, she removed the rest from her hair and brushed it, she stood for a minute examining herself, 'I look almost pretty without my hair up', no, now she was acting like an adolescent! Pinning her hair back up she was careful to try and cover her bruise or partially at least. Sighing, she made her way downstairs. Today was going to feel long.

No one noticed a change in her except Anna and Mr Carson, they both saw a change in her mood, she wasn't as happy as she had been but she wasn't shouting at people as often. She just seemed sad. She couldn't concentrate on anything she did, preoccupied with concern. Why wasn't she happy? That's what love was wasn't it? Being happy? But she could guess why she was unhappy, he didn't return her love – he never would. He wasn't exactly looking for love anymore, they were both way past looking for love, but he of all people would never have a relationship inside the house and she was a fool to think he would leave to come with her. How would she cope? She felt sick, anger and sadness. All because a man didn't return her love. Oh what was she going to do?  
>Her head was spinning again so she decided to turn in early and try and get some sleep. Turning to leave, the same as the night before she felt dizzy and had to hold onto the chair to steady herself, letting out a cross between a groan and a sigh, clutching her stomach.<p>

Hearing her falling against the chair and her sigh alerted Mr Carson who was outside her door, hand poised ready to knock. He rushed in and over to her holding his arms out but she held up her hand to protest,

"I'm fine Mr Carson" seeing his disbelieving expression, she stood up, "really, I'm just tired." He straightened himself and his eyes fell on the bruise on her temple.

"That looks painful" he motioned to the mark, "how did you do it?"

Pulling a strand of hair loose to cover it, "oh, it was an accident, I'm fine" she replied, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Well if you're sure…" he wished she'd tell him what was he matter, he couldn't stand by while she was unwell but she was being so enclosed.

"I should probably go to bed," she began to make her way out and looked back directly into his eyes, "Goodnight Mr Carson," she left as she felt tears brimming. By the time she was up in her room she was crying uncontrollably and collapsed onto her bed sobbing into her pillow before falling soundly asleep.

**Reviews are always welcome :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I seem to be writing this one really quickly, im sorry if my writing starts to get worse, it happens when i get to into a story. **

For weeks this carried on, Mrs Hughes would cry for hours often passing out after it. The wave of emotions would overwhelm her until all she could do was collapse in tears. The London season was fast approaching, she hoped while Mr Carson was away she could recover and calm down, but she dreaded his return, it would just start again and worse she suspected.

She managed to avoid him during the day, she was busy helping Anna to get the girls ready to go to London. Whenever they were in the same room she always came up with a reason to leave. Whenever she would look at him for long enough, she could see there was nothing, he felt nothing for her besides friendship, no matter how she felt she didn't want to risk losing that friendship. She would stare at her food at mealtimes, and if she had to talk to him she would only glance for a second before becoming engrossed with her food again. After dinner, she would hurry to her parlour and get any extra work done before rushing to bed, she thought the quicker she could get to sleep, the quicker she could escape.

But he noticed, he hadn't had an opportunity to talk to her properly in weeks, to be fair they had both been very busy but that'd never stopped them before. He always appreciated being able to sit down, sometimes with a glass of something, but just to sit down and talk to his closest companion at Downton. He had no immediate family left, and although he felt very loyal towards the Crawley family, Mrs Hughes was the closest person to him and he never liked to think she was upset and couldn't tell him why.  
>It was dinner, the rest of the staff occupied with their own conversations, Bates and Anna talking in hushed tones and looking longingly into each other's eyes, it was even clear to him now how they felt about each other, he couldn't help but smile, 'I must be going soft in my old age.' But his eyes fell on the figure next to Mr Bates. Mrs Hughes sat with her fork in one hand tapping in gently with her finger, she was biting her lip and staring blankly at the table. He looked from her face back to her hand, there were bruises on that too, not to mention a couple of painful looking scratches, what had been happening to her? First he wondered if someone had been hurting her, but who? No one dared to cross her normally, she had a soft side but she only let him see that on rare occasions. Was she doing something that she kept injuring herself on? Again what could she be doing that would do that? His final thought was whether she'd done it to herself, no, that wasn't at all like her, why would she do that anyway.<br>He concluded that he would have to find out regardless of whether she said she was fine, she clearly wasn't. After the kitchen maids had cleaned up their plates, Mrs Hughes got up and began to hurry towards her pantry but he was prepared;

"Mrs Hughes, I'll need to go over some accounts with you tonight if you wouldn't mind," the staff took no notice of this as it was usual for the Butler and Housekeeper to discuss business together.

"Well… I…" she began, but realising she had been cornered, gave in "of course Mr Carson, I'll be there in a minute"

As she turned to go to her own parlour for a moment, leaving him standing there wearing an expression of pride.

Back in her sitting room, she franticly tried to think of ways to get out of having to sit alone in a room with him. You wouldn't think she loved him, more hated him, not wanting to talk to him, see him or spend time with him. But she couldn't guarantee the state she'd work herself into if she had to talk to him. 'Pull yourself together!' she thought as she took a deep breath in and exhaled through her mouth, closing her eyes for a second she made her way out of her parlour and down the hall to Mr Carsons Pantry.

She paused with her hand ready to knock, 'I can't do it, I can't face it, I don't want to' she lowered her hand and closed her eyes again.

Inside his pantry, Mr Carson was almost as nervous as she was, he lit the fire and got out some glasses and a decanter of wine just in case she needed something to steady her nerves.  
>So he was asking, no, demanding, that she tell him what is wrong, no, that she tell him what's been going on, no no, that sounded too forward. He was asking where she was getting all her injuries, no, she wouldn't tell him, maybe he should just slip it into the conversation casually, but she was coming to talk about accounts, how would he manage that. Sitting in an armchair he put his head in his hands, how was he supposed to do this, how could he make her tell him.<p>

But before he could decide, he jumped at the sound of a soft knocking at the door.

**Love to hear what you think :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**:) - not sure what to say tbh**

Mrs Hughes came in silently and shut the door behind her.

"I'm actually quite tired Mr Carson" attempting to get out of this but he was having none of it,

"It won't take too long … now" he placed his hands together and leaned forward in his chair, he still didn't know how to start but she broke the silence between them.

"I thought you wanted to discuss accounts?" she frowned at him, he looked up.

"No, I'm afraid it's something else I want to talk to you about" he admitted.

"Oh god" she whispered under her breath but not quite enough to go unheard by Carson.

"What's been going on Mrs Hughes? You haven't been yourself for weeks and I'm getting quite concerned."

She looked at the fire before glancing at him and started "I'm fi.."

"NO YOU'RE NOT" He suddenly shouted, making her jump, he looked equally surprised at what he'd just said.

"I beg your pardon, I'm just worried about you" he quickly apologised, but she continued to stare at the fire. "Mrs Hughes, please," she finally turned to look at him before she decided she'd have to tell him.

"I'm just a bit stressed that's all, there's really no need to worry" but she looked away to quickly for him to believe her.

"Really? You got that bruise through stress? She subconsciously moved her hand up to the bruise, she opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. "What happened?" he was insisting now, he would sit there all night if he had to.

Sighing she gave in, "I collapsed a few nights ago and hit my head on the floor" she looked at his horrified face and returned to looking at the fire.

"Was this after you were crying in your sitting room?" she nodded after a while, "and are you going to tell me what upset you so much?"

She bit her lip, 'it's now or never I guess.' "It was Anna, she told me how Mr Bates had proposed to her and it just made me sad to see that her love clearly returned her feelings – and she's so happy , they have a whole new life ahead of them now. It just reminded me of what I don't have. It's selfish but I couldn't help feeling sad."

They sat in silence for a while before Carson sat up straight and said something she didn't expect.

"It upset you to be reminded that the one you love doesn't love you back? He didn't take his eyes off her as she looked away from the fire and returned his gaze.

"Yes" she whispered, feeling a lump in the back of her throat .

He took her hand and they stared into each other's eyes, "I don't think you should worry anymore" gently rubbing his thumb over the bruises on her knuckles, she quickly looked away feeling tears forming, pulling her hand away and stood up to leave.

"Elsie" she turned to see Mr Carson standing too, the shock of hearing him use her first name caused her to freeze on the spot and stare up at him.

"Yes?" she breathed, he moved his hand to hold hers again.

"Don't go," she began to cry so Carson pulled her into him, one arm around the waist the other hand stroking the back of her head, resting his chin on her soft hair. She put her arms around his waist and pulled him closer to her, sobbing uncontrollably into his chest, a mixture of joy and sadness; she'd found her love and he loved her back, she was currently in his arms, but she couldn't stay there forever, much as she wanted to – she'd make the most of the blissful moment.

**I really appreciate your reviews :)**


	6. Chapter 6

After they had broken apart she had gone back to her room and for the first time hadn't cried herself to sleep, instead she went to sleep smiling, dreaming of what had just happened. She got up early and went down to the servants hall, as she made her way to her sitting room, she was surprised to see a familiar figure sitting as his desk writing. She smiled to herself and opened the door fully;

"Good morning Mrs Hughes" he said with a smile but without looking up.

"How did you know it was me?" she stepped into the room, he looked up,

"I just could and anyone else would have knocked" he winked at her as she closed the door. She stood with her hands behind her back leaning against the door.

Seeing the loving look on her face, he said "I take it you're better this morning?"

She simply smiled but looked down, embarrassed by the example she made of herself over the last few days.

"It's nice to see your smile, even if I sometimes prefer it when you're upset"

She looked up and frowned, "can I ask why?"

He got up and walked over to her, until they were a few feet apart. She didn't take her eyes off him as he moved and started to breath more rapidly the closer he got.

"I don't enjoy seeing you upset Mrs Hughes, but I enjoy being able to comfort you and hope I'm making a difference"

"You called me Elsie last night" raising and eyebrow at him but he didn't catch the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried to contain a smile.

"I didn't think you'd comment on that part. But I apologise for being so forward, it was ungentlemanly."

"You were worried, I can hardly blame you for being a good friend"

"If I was a good friend I would have asked before you became ill" he looked almost guiltily at her.

"If I remember correctly, I was acting like a stubborn child and refusing to tell you" once again raising her eyebrow at him.

He smiled, defeated "Well, I'm glad you told me" he reached out to take her hand, she stood open mouthed at him. "What? What's wrong?"

"I just … I didn't think… you … I thought," he chuckled as she fumbled to find her words. He stepped towards her and placed his other hand on her cheek wiping away the tears that began to fall,

"I haven't upset you have I?"

"No" she smiled though still crying it was probably the happiest she'd ever felt. "I've just waited so long…" she broke off as the emotion overwhelmed her and all she could do was stare, no longer able to speak. She saw a rare twinkle in his eyes that she'd never seen before. She was still confused and it showed in her face.

"You didn't think after last night I'd just throw you over did you?"

Her eyes widened, "what are you saying?" she whispered, choking back tears. He chuckled again, he loved to see her anticipation, in fact he loved so much about her and he'd kept it to himself for too long.

"The truth is Mrs Hughes, Elsie, I love you. I have done for some time and after last night I think it's time for you to know"

There was a long silence between them as tried to decide what to say. She would occasionally open her mouth to speak but then close it again.

"Is there a reason you're doing an impression of a fish?" he laughed as he mimicked her movement. "Well I never thought I'd see the day, Elsie Hughes – speechless" he gave a wicked grin as he took his hand from hers and rested it on her hip. She smiled then looked seriously at him,

"I don't know _what_ to say"

"Sshhh" moving his hand from her cheek he rested on finger on her lips "then don't say anything at all"

She began to breath faster as he slid his hand round to the side of her head and pulled her face towards his, bending down to kiss her. She sighed as she moved her hands to rest on his shoulders, it felt like a dream, she'd waited 12 years for this moment and finally she could live her dream. Regretfully they broke apart so they could catch their breath, he held her close to him, resting his chin on her head as she traced the lines of his jacket with her fingers.

"You must promise me not to collapse again now" he said sternly as he moved to look at her.

"If I need to fall I want you there to catch me" looking in adoration as she felt her love deepen realising how he felt.

"Always Elsie, I'll always be here to catch you"

_**If you'd like me to continue I will, otherwise I hope you liked it :)**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow and I thought I left A Tapping Noise Of Temptation for ages without updating, I forgot you wanted an epilogue to this one ;) This is set in episode 7 of series 2, btw William isn't dead and Daisy does return his feelings, makes things easier ;)**

The War was over, everyone was celebrating, they were all so excited. Anna was crying with joy in the arms of her fiancée, they'd been waiting till the end of the war before deciding when to marry so Elsie suspected that was why Anna was crying.  
>Daisy was trapped in the arms of Mrs Patmore, knowing William would be returning soon she was glad but the shock was keeping her from being as emotional as everyone else.<br>Jane was smiling but didn't take her eyes off Lord Grantham, Elsie meant to investigate that, she narrowed her eyes as she saw Robert return Jane's gaze, they looked at each other for a moment before she smiled faintly and turned to share joy with Anna.  
>She looked around to see everyone else exchanging embraces and kisses, usually she would put her foot down on such behaviour but as Bates and Anna were engaged and she couldn't think of anything more appealing than kissing Charles, she decided to leave it.<p>

She turned to face Charles before realising he wasn't there; she looked around the room before she saw him in the corridor talking to Lord Grantham, they were looking rather serious, she was worried, what could Lord Grantham be telling him that could cause them to look so serious, on a night as happy as this? She was distracted by Mr Bates handing her her glass of wine to join them in a toast, but she found she couldn't smile or drink from it, she simply held it in her hand, unable to take her eyes off Charles.

"Mrs Hughes? Are you alright?" Bates's voice was concerned despite his happy manner.

"Yes perfectly, you must be glad, I hope your marriage will be sooner now the war is over, congratulations"

"Thank you, Mrs Hughes, I hope so too" he kissed her cheek and she just managed to smile before looking back to find Charles had returned and was now taking a sip of his own glass of wine. He smiled at her and subtly squeezed her hand.

The servants spent most of the evening celebrating so the pair retreated to Elsie's sitting room.

"Well thank goodness for that" she smiled as she stepped into his arms, he lifted his hand to stroke her face.

"What did his lordship want?"

He looked away and his and dropped to her shoulder, she reached up to hold it in both of hers and tried to catch his gaze.

"Charles?"

He took a deep breath, placing his other hand on hers and she felt him hold them tightly as if scared she would let go.

"I asked him…His Lordship said…" he sighed,

"Please tell me"

"I asked him for his permission"

"Permission for what? What are you planning to do that you'd need his permission for?" she smiled coyly at him, Charles wasn't usually one for scandalous behaviour but it sounded very much like him to go and ask permission for wanting to do something out of the ordinary.

"I asked his permission to allow us to stay on at Downton"

She blinked, thinking she'd missed something,

"But…why? What have we done that he'd turn us out for?"

"I told him I wanted to marry you" he finally looked into her eyes and smiled,

"what? You never spoke to me, what if he'd have made us leave or what if I'd have said no"

Charles was taken aback by the latter statement, "would you? Would you say no?"

"No, of course I wouldn't, you know I love you, oh I'm sorry Charles I didn't mean it to sound like that"

He kissed her hands and held her closer to him,

"you don't mind do you? You do want to marry me?"

"Of course I do, I've wanted to for years. So … did he give you permission?"

"He did and he congratulated us, he even said we should have spoken out earlier. We're highly valued, he said ever since you became housekeeper he's noticed the house has run more smoothly than it ever has. We could have got married then and we'd have been allowed to stay."

"If only we had," She smiled sadly.

"We mustn't dwell on the past, only the future" before she could say anything else he kissed her, with a passion that made her forget all her worries.

"I told you I'd always be here and I always will be"

She smiled as he held her to his chest, imaging how she would sign her new name – _Elsie Carson._

**I hope this was alright, after I made you wait so long. I'm sorry if there are any errors in it, I was watching the Christmas Special as I wrote it, being distracted by the lack of 'Chelsie' moments in it, very annoyed at that but still :) We can hope for Series 3 ;)**


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